Of Leaders and Warriors
by Nicky Gabriel
Summary: Lennox wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what Sam had to do to be granted the privilege to use this eternal tool of distortion and creation to bring Optimus back. (Post-Dark of the Moon, Fix-It)


Beta-read by laurose8 and sprl1199. Thank you!  
>All mistakes left are mine.<p>

)o(

On the news, they referred to it as to the darkest time in the history of Earth. Colonel William Lennox couldn't fault the expression. As he walked through the hangar door, his body felt more ancient than the Autobots'. He had never in his entire life felt as tired as this evening. Meeting Ratchet walking out a moment before had been the last straw.

The previous three weeks had been the worst in his career. He had fought for the survival not only of the entire planet – that was in his job description – but also to keep the hope alive that survival was indeed _worth_ the fight. Again and again this hope nearly died – first with Sentinel's betrayal, then with Ironhide's death, then with the Autobots' departure, and lastly with the events in Chicago. After that, it was mostly damage control that, somehow, transformed in the end into restoring that hope piece by piece.

Now Megatron was defeated, Sentinel was dead and the Decepticons had mostly retreated, Primes only knew where. There was only the final battle's most painful loss, the body motionless on the big table in Ratchet's repair bay.

The final time Lennox saw Ironhide, it was right after the weapon specialist had been shot with Sentinel's rust canon. Lennox had wondered how many times the Autobots had been betrayed over the millennia of war? Now they had been betrayed by humans as well.

_No surprise there, right?_ he thought bitterly.

Still, the Autobots had returned and fought for Earth and its freedom; and now they were willing to stay under the conditions the human governments had set for them. Lennox's entire team had spent the last two weeks helping with the rescue in Chicago. Only yesterday they had all returned to Diego Garcia.

Lennox shook his head in disbelief and approached Optimus, who was standing next to the table resting one massive hand on Ironhide's shoulder.

He wasn't surprised to see Ironhide's body mostly intact – the Autobots hadn't shared their technology with humans, but Will knew they had a way to restore metal from iron oxides. The conditions of Earth were as they were – high humidity and frequent wind – but Ratchet had worked on improving the technique since they landed. They had so many spare parts from the Decepticons' bodies that the task was not that hard for Ratchet to accomplish. Lennox had just never seen it demonstrated.

The one thing the CMO could not restore with their technology was Ironhide's spark, for only Optimus could do that with the Matrix of Leadership. This was what gave Lennox hope when he'd learned Ratchet was working on Ironhide. How painful the medic's grief must have been, Lennox couldn't even imagine.

Optimus noticed him, and before he could say something, the Prime leaned down and held his hand out so Lennox could step onto it. Standing, Optimus lifted him and deposited him on the table on the other side of Ironhide's body.

Lennox took a deep breath, pushing his grief away. Ironhide has been dead for two weeks, but he hadn't allowed himself to think about the loss. All his energy was consumed by supervising the rescue teams in the most damaged city in the US, and he usually fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Or wherever he happened to be spending the night. And he was grateful for these distractions, for if he had to slow down and _think,_ there would be no pieces to pick up.

"Are you going to bring him back?" he asked Optimus. Now, seeing Ironhide, the despair was overwhelming, and he found it hard to breathe.

"No."

Lennox froze. No? _This _was not the answer he had expected. He blinked and looked up, though Optimus wasn't facing him. For a moment time stopped while he tried to find his place in this nightmare. He had thought the pain couldn't be worse and now found he was wrong. He had never felt so...cheated in his entire life. And betrayed. Probably it was akin to how the Autobots felt when... Was that it? Was this some kind of twisted revenge?

Lennox breathed in sharply. No, Optimus would _never_ do something like that, no matter how angry at the humans he was. Will felt his anger and disappointment go as quickly as it had come. He closed his eyes briefly, and for a moment he let the sorrow of losing his best friend envelop him. He wasn't ready to cry. He needed Sarah's arms for that kind of comfort. She was his refuge, the only safe place where he could break down. After the tragedy of the last three weeks, he needed to _feel_ again, and pain was the only thing he _could_ feel right now. The world as he knew it really had ended and he didn't know how to face it. Not yet.

"Why?" Lennox asked hoarsely, stepping closer to Ironhide because he couldn't look at Optimus now. He wanted to scream and _make _him change his mind, but he was a soldier. Even if he hadn't been, Lennox respected the Prime too much to try. Instead, he touched the side of Ironhide's head, fingering the symbols on the metal ring. The surface was smooth and shiny again, drastically contrasting with his own fingers, scratched and swollen after spending two weeks digging through debris, but the shell was cold – so unlike his memories of the warrior. Lennox realized it would never be warm again. "Don't let him pay for our mistakes," he added flatly.

Optimus didn't comment on that. He just knelt down so they were on eye level, and said, "Some people should remain dead, Colonel."

"It's Ironhide!" Lennox said with despair and met his eyes. "He's not Sentinel! He's not...us."

"Will, I am not denying him life." Optimus shook his head with such sadness that Lennox felt his own heart breaking. "Ironhide has been my friend for longer than life on your planet has existed. He never once failed me. He stood by my side for better and for worse. He followed my orders till the very end. It was _my_ mistake that killed him. It might as well have been me who shot him in the back."

"Sentinel betrayed us all." Lennox stated the obvious, but he still didn't believe what he had seen that fatal day.

"Understand one thing, William." Optimus' voice was calm as he continued. "I am the leader of Autobots not because I claimed this role by force or by any other means. My people on Cybertron trusted me with this rank many eons ago, and their allegiance was freely given because they had hope I would lead them to freedom for us all. I was not only mistaken about Sentinel. I ordered the annihilation of the All Spark. I destroyed our only source of energon, and I damaged the bridge home." He paused for a moment, waiting for Lennox to realize the weight of his admission.

Which he did.

"Do not think that given another chance I would not do it again," Optimus said firmly. "I would not change a thing in what I have done, because Earth should not pay for being involved in a war never yours. However, if I can hope that one day I will earn Ironhide's friendship again, I cannot bring him back. It would be...unkind to him. I cannot take away his freedom to deny me his forgiveness."

Lennox hesitated. He understood. Ironhide would feel obliged to Optimus for saving his life. This debt went against everything Optimus – and Ironhide – had fought for over the centuries. Optimus wouldn't want to put Ironhide in such a situation, and there was nothing that Lennox could say or do that would change his resolution.

"If you don't want to bring him back, why did you ask me to come here, then?" Lennox asked. _And why did you let Ratchet hope? Why did you let _**_us _**_hope?_

"You are wrong, Colonel. I do want to bring him back." Optimus rose to his feet. For the first time since Lennox had met the Prime he could _feel _the power Optimus personified. He had seen him in battle, in any form he could take, on every continent, with whatever opponent Lennox could have imagined; but this silent determination and the finality of Optimus' decision was ripping through his soul. In a moment of utter clarity he realized Optimus was the one who decided who lived or died, not only on battlefields. He was holding in his hands the fate of every single Autobot and Decepticon in the entire Universe. Literally.

Lennox couldn't even imagine the weight of such responsibility. It left him breathless, and he looked away, feeling ashamed of his previous feelings. Even more so now that he understood why the Prime had made such a decision.

And then Optimus did something even more unexpected. He retrieved the Matrix of Leadership from the compartment in his armor where he always kept it safe and offered the shining ancient silver and blue device to Lennox.

Lennox instinctively stepped back away from the floating artifact. No human, except for Sam, had ever touched it. They were not even allowed to scan it for research. He looked up at Optimus, almost paralyzed, not only by the sheer power locked in this tiny piece of metal, but also by the realization of Optimus' intent.

Lennox wasn't stupid. He knew exactly what Sam had to do to be granted the privilege to use this eternal tool of distortion and creation to bring Optimus back. He was also aware of what had happened _before _Sam proved himself worthy of this trust. No matter how much he desired to use it, Lennox knew his own quality. In the cosmic scale, he meant nothing.

"Optimus, you know I can't touch it." He spoke hesitantly looking at the Matrix levitating in front of him. "It will turn into dust."

"Will, the All Spark chose your planet to be our destiny, and the Matrix arrived here even before the All Spark. I am the last living Prime. I am the one who decides who earns the right to use it. We live for eons; you live a flash of a spark, and yet you committed your life to fight a war that was never supposed to be yours. You betrayed everything you were taught to believe in, yet you stayed faithful to what you believed was right. Sam wasn't the only one who saved me. You didn't sacrifice your life in Egypt, but you sacrificed something equally precious."

"My oath," Lennox said calmly. That decision still weighed heavily on his conscience.

"Yes."

Optimus had never mentioned it, but Lennox knew the Prime was aware of the consequences Lennox had to face after deciding to help him. No, he hadn't lost his rank or his command over the NEST team. Optimus made sure his superiors knew whom he had chosen as his counterpart on the human side. The court martial took place after the battle in Egypt anyway, and he still was paying the price for disobeying a direct order.

"It is called the Matrix of Leadership for a reason." Optimus continued, "A leader must know what sacrifice is. You know that better than most. You also share a bond with Ironhide, beyond his spark and beyond your heart. He will come back to you."

Lennox looked at Ironhide again. What if there was a chance?

"You really can't do it yourself?" he asked Optimus.

"I can," Optimus admitted. "But do I have to?"

Lennox reached for the Matrix and closed his palm over the device. The moment the ancient metal touched his skin, he felt gentle warmth rising in his chest. Warmth slowly spread through his body, reaching further and further until it touched Ironhide's lifeless form. The warmth felt _right. _He could also feel Optimus on a level he never had before. And to a lesser extent he felt every other Autobot on base and all of the captured Decepticons. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the here and now.

"I need him." Something made Lennox say these words.

"We all do."

Lennox shook his head. "Not just for me." He needed Optimus to know, before he did something they both would regret. "For Sarah as well. She needs to know 'Hide's there for me anytime I need him."

"We are soldiers, Colonel Lennox." Optimus sighed, but Lennox couldn't miss the pride in his voice. "It's in our nature to be selfish, stubborn and ready to face the most insane danger. No warrior can live alone, for we are soldiers because we love. We may have mates and sparklings, but the bonds we create on the battlefields are equally deep. We live next to our mates, but we die next to our brothers in arms."

Lennox opened his eyes and looked at the Matrix. Its blue energy seemed to mesmerize him, but the power behind the device waited patiently for his decision.

"What do I have to sacrifice?" he asked. He could _feel _that bringing Ironhide back would have a price to be paid.

"What do you have left?"

Lennox thought about it. Optimus didn't want to place a debt on Ironhide feelings that shouldn't have a place in their relationship, but what about his own relationship with Ironhide? Would it change?

"Ironhide's my commanding officer," he stated.

"Is that relevant?"

"No," Lennox admitted. It never had been.

"Do not fight it, William Lennox. You need to know the power the Matrix contains. One day you will have to remind humankind of that."

"I've witnessed it all right," Lennox said, tightening his grip on the metal.

Optimus frowned. "To witness and to be the source is not the same."

That pricked Lennox's attention. "Source?"

"Only a living being can direct this power, because even though the Matrix was designed to give life, it needs life as a catalyst. The action will create a bond deeper than friendship or brotherhood or even a mate-bond between you and Ironhide."

"What do you mean? You and Sam share such bond?"

"Yes, Samuel does share the Matrix bond with me. Do not be afraid; it will not take your or Ironhide's freedom away, and it will not interfere with any other bonds you have already established. However, be aware that it is stronger than death."

"How about Sentinel?"

Through the Matrix, Lennox could feel Optimus' pain, before the Autobot answered. "There are different rules for Primes. We are bound timelessly, brothers by definition. The Primes created the Matrix, and the power behind it let itself be locked inside. It will respond for any assignment the Primes use it for. It is an enormous trust and as great a responsibility for us."

Lennox looked at Ironhide again, and fear crept into his heart. The Matrix responded in his hand, and he frowned. "Optimus, did you want to come back?"

Optimus tilted his head, seeming surprised by the question, but he understood. "Betrayal is not closure, William."

"This is not an answer to my question." He needed to know.

"If this is your concern, I can assure you that Ironhide will be asked before the Matrix reignites the light in his spark," Optimus explained patiently.

Lennox took a deep breath and nodded. "Good."

"Do you have any other questions?"

"No, but...I don't want them to know it was me."

Again the pain in Optimus' voice was palpable. "Because of what Sam suffers?"

Lennox shook his head. "Because it's too...personal."

"I will not reveal your part," Optimus agreed. "But Ironhide will know as well. You will have to ask him to consider not sharing this information with the others."

Lennox nodded. "What do I do?"

Optimus reached out and drew Ironhide's chest armor aside. "Merge the Matrix with his spark, just as Sam did with mine."

Ironhide wasn't as tall as Optimus, but Lennox still had to climb over his chest. Ratchet left his spark chamber uncovered – save for the armor that Optimus had already removed -and Lennox could see the tiny pieces of his spark they had managed to save. He knew he didn't have to do it the way Sam had.

Will grasped the Matrix in his right hand and gently pressed it over Ironhide's spark, as Optimus had done when he was waking Sentinel.

And then there was just light.

**THE BEGINNING**


End file.
